Wake Up.

I've had a really tough week.
This seriously has felt like one long ass nightmare. I'm at my capacity for stressful situations. I don't need anything else on my plate. I'm ready to wake up from this damn nightmare and find some kind of relief.

I got home and my man was already relaxing in the bedroom. He was sitting up on his side & watching tv with the volume loud as hell. I never understood that about him. Why does shit have to be so damn loud?

Anyways, I walked into the bedroom and just knew that I wanted him to be my release. Fucking him would ease all the tension and set the tone for an easy weekend.
I wanted to wash the day off me, so I hopped in the shower, hoping he would follow me.

When he stepped in the shower and wrapped his arms around me, I felt an overwhelming rush of emotions. This is really what I needed. I feel so safe when I'm in his arms.
Something about being in the shower with him also gets me going because it's so intimate. I adore that shit. I adore him.

After getting out the shower, I grabbed my towel and headed to the kitchen where I made us two Hennessy and cranberry juice cocktails. I figured that's what he wanted and didn't want him to ask me for it. I just wanted to get his drink, cater to his needs & then act on my desires.

I gave him his drink and waited for him to finish taking a sip before I climbed on top of his lap.
I sipped my drink while pushing my tits in his face. I was dying for him to play with and suck my nipples. I was craving his mouth. I wanted him so bad. Luckily, he responded the right way. I've got Henny in my cup, his hands on my tits, his tongue going from nipple to nipple and an erection growing underneath me.

I started to slowly grind against him. This was the perfect tease for us both. My clit was being stimulated by his growing erection and I could feel my pussy getting wet. If I did things just right, I wouldn't even have to move out of this position. If I adjusted just right, his dick would find its entry and I'd fuck him until I was satisfied.

After a few minutes, I was right. I lifted up just a bit so my pussy could accommodate her master. The feeling of his dick sliding inside my pussy was the greatest. He fits me so well. It's like we were designed for each other. No other man has ever filled me the way he does. That's probably why I crave him all day long.

I looked him in the eyes and felt like being playful. I asked him "Do you like how this pussy feels, baby?" and he closed his eyes, threw his head back & moaned "Yes, mama. You feel so fuckin good."
I was expecting that response. He always tells me that he loves how I feel.
I continued to ride him and feed him my nipples and I felt an overwhelming sense of euphoria. The nastiness of the week was dissipating and an orgasm was brewing. Shit! I didn't want to cum so quickly. I wanted to torture him and control him in the ways I couldn't control my week.

He felt it. He could hear my breathing changing and he could feel my muscles tightening and he started to thrust into me and match my rhythm...and then I came. I just started shaking because the orgasm was so fucking intense. I wasn't able to regain my composure and I slowly stopped riding him. He said, "Nah. We're not done, mama." and he flipped me over and pushed my legs back and said "I want more of this pussy since you came in here trying to be petty."
I just laughed because that's an inside joke of ours and I knew exactly what he meant.

He pushed my legs back until my toes were touching the headboard and he stroked me to another climactic event and he started to smile at me. I knew what was coming next. As that orgasm started to build, he fucked me harder and went deeper and started to hit my spot. I started to squirt and he was talking so much shit and I just couldn't stop screaming his name and cursing and I lost control of my body.

He smacked my thigh and told me to turn over and I swear I couldn't move. I have no idea how I managed to flip over onto my stomach, but as soon as I did, I felt him straddle me. He smacked my ass again and again and the stinging from him hitting the same spot over and over started to drive me wild. I was whimpering and begging him to fuck me again.

I said Daddy, please slide back into this pussy. I want to make you cum."
I felt him shift and before I knew it, he was giving me some more of that dick I love so much.
I tried to keep my thighs tight and made sure I squeezed my pussy muscles as tight as possible. I know he loves this position because of how I slowly match his stroke and start fucking him back.

Once I was able to control myself, I did just that. I started bouncing my ass and throwing my pussy back on his dick. I had to adjust a little bit and gain some leverage. I asked him to put his had on the back of my neck to hold me down and I used every ounce of energy I had left to work my hips. I wanted him to cum but I felt myself starting to climax again. I knew I'd lose control and fuck up the groove if I didn't get him to cum first.

I did what I always do when I'm ready for my lover to explode: I started talking dirty to him.
The first thing out my mouth was "Damn, baby. I love it when you let me fuck you." that was followed by "I love the way you do me, baby. Your dick feels so good, baby. I want to make you cum."

I don't know why me telling him that I want him to cum turns him on so much. I love it though.
He had a hard time responding to me, but between moans and deep breaths he said, "oh yeah? You're ready...for me.....to....cum...mama?"
I laughed a little and moaned back "Si, papi....gimme that fucking nut. I want you to.....fucking.....cum for me..."

He dug deeper into me and I wasn't expecting him to. It fucked me all the way up. I can't control myself if we aren't matching each other's intensity. Me trying to make him cum turned into a fight. Now we are both trying to fuck each other's brains out. We are fighting to give the other person the ultimate orgasm. He's stroking deep and hard and I can't throw it back the way I want because he is too aggressive and I feel like I'm about to explode and I'm tightening my muscles and listening to his breathing become more intense and he's starting to say my name and I know I can't hold out any longer so I scream "Si, papi!!!! Fuck this pussy. Cum with me. I'm about to cum. Give me that fucking nut. Yo quiero. Papi. Give it to me. Cum for me!!"
And he says "Shit, mama....I'm about to nut........"

.....& before either of us reached that super intense orgasm......I woke up.

I remember....those days....

-REMINISCING...BIG TIME...This is a copied post entitled "2.12.2009 & 2.13.2009"
.....Def not for minors...

Things change. People change. Circumstances change...I've changed. He's changed.

I think everything happens for a reason. People waltz in & out of our lives for a reason. Some people stay for a season, and juuuust when you are thinking that they are about to make their grand exit, you find out that they are coming back around--for a second go...

He made his way down here and told me he wanted to make Valentine's Day special. The thought of being in his presence again made me anxious. When I was with him, I could tell he was frustrated with me and my actions. Those SAME actions he hated when I was 18. I could tell he was confused. How could I claim to be different in my adult life, and act the same as I did when I was 18? I assumed the thoughts brewing in his brain were probably a little harsh. This, to me, was kind of funny, because he checked me on that shit as soon as we made our way back to my house. His tone was mean and sarcastic, and my response to every single question was "I don't know"...I had no answer for my actions or lack thereof.

I laid on the couch watching the Celtics game while he sat on the opposite end probably still feeling some sort of resentment towards spending his time with me. He started to chuckle which was crazy...and he said the silliest thing, "I have to ask you a question in about 20 minutes..." I'm tryin to figure out why he felt the need to time his question or tell me that he had a question...

Not a whole 20 minutes later, he tells me that he is just going to key the question into his cell phone and let me read it. He types...He hands me the phone...I read...My face gets flushed...My lips part and form a smile...I start to giggle...The question: Can I eat you?

--screech--

That question wasn't worthy of a response. My soul says yes, but my brain says "if you have to ask, it's a NO."

Long story short...The game ends...I catch up on the Grey's Anatomy I recorded before we got to my house, and after a while, we both get sleepy. We crawl into my bed. We make small talk...I hear nothing but his voice, the nervous beat of my heart--ringing loudly in my ears, might I add--the whir of my ceiling fan, and the loud hum of the space heater sitting on my dresser to accomodate my visitor who surprisingly was cold...Silence fills the room. He shifts...Another question: why is this so loud? My response: "Umm...What are you talking about...? Why is what loud?" He did not respond--instead, he shifts again, his index finger meets my lips and it is followed by his lips. And that was all I needed...That sent me back in time...Back to December 2003.

I kissed him back...feeling like his lips were the best thing in MY world at the time. I remember pulling away from him for just a moment. Even though I knew what was about to happen was going to bring me physical satisfaction, my heart wasn't ready. One month ago, I lost a piece of my heart. I really had fallen in love with someone who wasn't for me, and for some reason, he was lingering in my bedroom on Thursday night--but ONLY for a moment.

I know that he initiated things, but I felt like I needed to be a little less submissive for just a moment and take matters into my own hands, and showcase my talent. It's not my favorite thing, but I'm pretty good at it, and I know how appreciated it...I know he appreciated how eager I was to take him in my mouth. I had forgotten how great the shape of his penis was. And just bobbing up and down on the head of his penis and circling my tongue around that little part riiiight under the head was exciting and stimulating, and I was filled with anticipation.

For a moment everything was a blur. I don't remember anything else except for his head being between my thighs. I don't remember anything else except for him holding my legs back and pleasing me for what seemed like a short eternity. I can't remember anything else...for a moment. i don't know when my robe came off...i don't remember when it was that he stopped kissing my most sensitive set of lips and my ass, unwrapped that condom, came back up over me and slid inside...I just remember the most amazing penetration. I don't remember how many strokes it took me to forget my previous lover. I don't remember exactly how many seconds passed before my breathing became labored and my eyes rolled back in my head and the moan grew in my belly and damn near overtook every other sound in the room.

I remember how he stroked. How aggressive he was. How quiet I was trying to be. I recall, in my mind right now, how I released my inhibitions and went with what was happening. I remember when, in a tussle of switching positions, he found my spot and made me do what I had NEVER done before. He took the idea of having multiple orgasms and gave me clarity on the whole thing. He had my legs up and back, he was standing and had me on the edge of the bed and he found her...And when I told him that he was on my spot, he had absolutely no desire to stop pounding inside of me...He just kept fucking...kept fucking...and i kept coming...over and over again...and my breathing was intense, and I had a pillow over my face and my hand pressed hard into the pillow and the tears started to flow...and the next memory is of him behind me--still standing, me on the edge of the bed...and his nails are lightly grazing over my skin, over my back, my hips, my ass, my thighs...and then one hand is on my shoulder and the other hand is grabbing a handful of my hair and I'm thinking that there is absolutely no way in hell that I can come anymore.

I just took him back into the place that brings me the most pleasure...and he gave me just that...and finally, when he was able to reach his climax, I was satisfied. I had been given the ultimate pleasure and the favor had been returned.

We had the most amazing sex Thursday night, and I was damn near in tears when he told me the next day that he went easy on me and could be more aggressive. Friday afternoon he leads me into my own bedroom and while I was comfortably on my stomach, he slid me down to the end of my bed, and kissed my back, my ass, my thighs, and before i knew it, he'd taken off my panties, lifted my backside in the air and was eating everything from behind...And as I bit down on my pillow and dug my nails into the mattress, and thought I couldn't take anymore tongue, he stopped. I was just about to turn around and try to take him in my mouth and he stopped me dead in my tracks--the dick was back, inside of me...I didn't even have a chance to move from the position he slid me into. He literally fucked me silly. I was all out of fluids, all out of breath, my throat was dry, my voice was hoarse.

He had free reign of all the territories of my body. For the time, it was his...His hands were everywhere, his mouth was everywhere, and I had him right where I wanted him. This go around I was more vocal...I moaned when he stroked, I screamed when I was about to come, I asked him to fuck me harder when I knew I was about to have the most intense orgasm of the midday...

I was amazed at his stamina...It seemed like he could work hard at dicking me down, come and then reload in minutes...over and over, all day...And after what seemed like an endless sexcapade, I actually broke down and told him that I couldn't take anymore. He laughed at me. I decided that this was the time to take matters into my own hands and show him what this pussy could really do..within a few minutes, he became vocal...He made the kind of noise that drives me wild...And while I thought I couldn't take anymore and that I wouldn't come anymore, I did...One last time...I came...And so did he...

random thought

life is fleeting.

it is not promised.

when my final day comes, i will have no regrets.

i've dance on tables.

cried at chick flicks.

embarrassed myself beyond measure.

loved like i'd never been hurt.

made the best of every situation.

given strong words of advice: live like today is your last.

+ / -

he is so funny.
i am so serious.

he is night.
i am day.

he finds the bad in every situation.
i find the good in every situation.

he gets angry and wants to talk.
i get angry and want to shut-down.

he knows a lot about urban culture.
i know a lot about ancient history.

he likes rap and r&b.
i like salsa and bachata.

he wants to marry me.
i don't even want to date.

he is planning for a future.
i am trying not to live beyond the moment.

he is skinny.
i am sooo not.

he is outgoing and loud.
i am reserved and shy.

he is the King.
i am his Queen.

he says he's dreamt that we'd always be together.
i never thought in a million years that we'd even have conversation like this.

he is everything i am not.
i am everything he is not.

they say opposites attract.

he's made me loosen up.
he's made me laugh at the things that should make me cry.
he's made me look deeper inside myself to resolve my problems.

i've made him recognize that good lives in every situation.
i've made him find comfort in being all that he is.
i've made him take a look at things from a more serious angle.

we might not be oil & water like i initially though.

*still in all...regardless of how this puzzle of "him & me" fits together...i'm still scared...i am living in fear...i am perfectly flawed and scared of the balance he might bring to my chaotic lifestyle*

Hooah

hysterically, i am telling you that i couldn't remember what kind of lover he was. hell, it had been so many years since i'd even seen him. iraq separated us for a long time. i've changed. a lot.

i wonder what he was thinking when he saw me for the first time [again] here.
back here, in the US. here on my stomping grounds.

whatever he was thinking must have been grand considering how he undressed me and took control of my body. it must have been fantastic because he stimulated more than just..well, you know what i'm saying.

we were listening to a little blackstreet & whatever the hell else appealed to all my senses. i had gotten a little tipsy in the club before i'd made my way over to him, but he was getting me drunk with his tongue. his dick. his sex. i was ready for the hangover.

what i wasn't ready for was how he was going to handle me. i'll just say that it was a wonderful experience and it was what i needed after 67 days without the DC-Boo...

i'll have to find a way to fill the void that he once filled once the army snatches him back out my life, this time, possibly for all eternity.

in the meantime, i'll just count the days of unwelcomed & forced celibacy, one by one, until i recruit a new or old lover to stimulate my mind before learning my body...what a treacherous cycle.